1️⃣ Clarify your values
Values are beliefs, a sense of purpose, or a view of life that matters to you.
Whether or not we notice them, each of us has a set of values. The connection between values and goals is easy to overlook, but our wishes often come from what we value.
Values are not something you choose on a whim or change whenever you like. They reflect what matters to you and guide your actions. When you do not live in line with your core values, you may feel tense or unhappy. When you do, you are more likely to feel fulfilled and deeply content.
A broad list of values
Read the list and circle 20 words that resonate with you most. If a value you care about is missing, add your own.
Achievement, competition, winning; competence, responsibility; justice; loyalty, commitment, accountability; communication, cooperation; efficiency, timeliness, speed; cleanliness, minimalism; usability, systems; adventure; independence, self-reliance; beauty, creativity, inspiration; belonging; change; sharing; control; fairness, equality; exploration, discovery; inclusion, diversity; accuracy, structure, discipline; calm, inner peace; challenge, success, accomplishment; peace; faith; patriotism; flexibility; enthusiasm, passion, giving your all; family; friendship; freedom, independence; persistence; generosity; happiness, fun; vitality; power, money, wealth, status; global perspective; optimism; privacy; problem-solving; spirituality, innocence; personal growth, strength; happiness; tradition; hard work, effort; gratitude; practicality, rules; contribution, service; health; harmony; helping others, kindness, well-being; quiet; progress; honor; integrity; abundance; humor; results; security; decisiveness; compassion; respect; innovation, variety; truth; knowledge; resilience, stability; humility; organization, unity; love, intimacy; leadership; skill.
Now narrow the list to 10 values and write them down.
Then choose the five most important values and rank them from most to least important.
This may be harder than it sounds. Give yourself time to think; you can come back to the exercise tomorrow or later in the week. It took me about two weeks, rearranging my list repeatedly. You could put your top ten on sticky notes and move them around until the order feels right.
Build a values chain
The words we use to describe values mean different things to different people. A values chain helps you create a fuller, more personal picture of each value. Like a word-association exercise, add ideas that describe what your top five values mean to you. They do not have to be value words. They can be a feeling or image, such as “being someone I admire” or “standing on top of the world.”
Here is a simple example:
Personal growth → challenge myself → live fully → broaden my knowledge → share what I know → guide or inspire others
My values chain:
- Value 1:
- Value 2:
- Value 3:
- Value 4:
- Value 5:
The words in your chain do not have to come from the list above. Be creative and use your own language.
Here are some of my personal values as examples:
- Freedom: Be free to be authentic and honest, and to live independently, financially and emotionally. I do not stay in a relationship or job just because I am afraid to leave. I look inward for balance and peace instead of relying on others for my happiness.
- Service: Use my abilities to help others live their best lives. Encourage, teach, and empower people. Put my effort into work that helps others reach their potential and become happier, more confident, and more creative.
- Vitality: Express myself through work I love. Build healthy sleep, exercise, and eating habits for lasting energy and well-being. Care for my body and accept myself, including my imperfections.
- Gratitude: Make time every day to appreciate my health, family, friends, work, ability to give back, and the small things that make me feel fortunate. Tell people when I appreciate them.
- Growth: Enjoy learning from others and from my own successes and failures. Read, continue my education, seek new experiences, and find ways to challenge and strengthen myself.
- Humor: Show my funny and playful side. Celebrate often, make time for hobbies, and find ways to relax and enjoy life.
- Passion: Bring positive energy to the people around me. Be optimistic, happy, and welcoming, and notice how I affect others.
- Adventure: Dream big and take risks. Try things outside my comfort zone and enjoy life's unexpected turns.
2️⃣ Your life scorecard
Rate your satisfaction with each area of life from 1 to 10. Base the score on how you feel now; you can change the ratings later. Reviewing the scorecard can help you see what is going well, where you feel stuck, and where you would like more balance.
- Work
- Money
- Family
- Friends
- Relationships
- Health
- Fun and relaxation
- Personal growth
Brainstorm your ideal life
Now that you have rated the important areas of your life, describe what a “10” would look like in each one.
Ask yourself: One year from now, what would I like to have, do, or become in each area?
Write ideas for:
- Work
- Money
- Family
- Friends
- Relationships
- Health
- Fun and relaxation
- Personal growth
After thinking through each area, set goals based on what you want to do, have, experience, or learn over the coming year. Writing goals down is a strong step toward making them real.
Set goals for the next six months, one year, and three years. Spend 15 minutes filling each box with as many ideas as you can. When you think you are finished, push yourself to add a few more; those may be your most creative ideas.
It is fine to leave a box blank. For example, you may not have a goal related to education during a particular period. Some goals or feelings may remain the same across time frames. In that case, fill in only the first row.
For each time frame, consider:
- What do I want to do?
- What do I want to have?
- Who do I want to become, or what do I want to experience?
- What do I want to learn?
3️⃣ Explore big, scary, difficult goals
Big, scary, difficult goals are the ones that feel so ambitious that you are afraid to admit you have them. They deserve special attention.
Writing them down can be hard. You may fear failure, recognize the risks, or doubt you can achieve them. Saying them out loud can feel even scarier, especially when you tell another person. But sharing a goal can also make it feel more real and more possible.
When someone first tells you about a goal, especially a big one, congratulate them. Do not immediately point out practical problems or tell them why it will not work. Those objections may come from your own limitations or concerns, not theirs. Do not let another person's limits stop you from pursuing a goal that matters to you.
The bigger and more meaningful the goal, the louder your inner critic may become. It may say, “You do not have enough experience,” “You are not smart or special enough,” or “Who do you think you are?” Everyone has an inner critic. Learn to distinguish that voice from what you know to be true.
As you stop calling a goal “scary,” it can become less frightening. “Scary” can mean the opportunity matters. The language you use can shape your experience. When sharing a big goal, take pride in it rather than shrinking away from its ambition.
Setting and pursuing a big, difficult goal can feel exciting. It will not necessarily be easy, but it can help you grow beyond what you thought you could do. Learning, growing, and inspiring others along the way can make it even more meaningful. Even if you fail, you learn that you can recover and begin again. Go for it; do not be afraid to get muddy.
Brainstorm a big goal
- What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
- Which achievements would make you most proud in your life?
- What inner criticism gets in the way when you set or pursue a big goal?
- What would you say to yourself in response?
Explore further: stay committed to your goals
Setting a goal is relatively simple: decide what you want to do or have and write it down. A clear goal is actionable, realistic, and time-bound. Staying committed is another matter. Some goals are not realistic enough to last, and you may forget them before you notice.
Meaningful goals have staying power. They feel alive, and you keep working toward them until you reach them.
These are strategies that helped me achieve my goal of running a marathon in 2008. It once seemed impossible, but completing it brought a powerful sense of reward.
- Find inspiration. A year before I started training, I realized I felt jealous whenever someone talked about training for or completing a marathon. After I admitted on my blog that I was afraid to start, a reader sent me a YouTube video called “Running My First Marathon.” It inspired me to begin. Inspiration from a video, friend, or family member can give you energy when you are ready to quit.
- Make a symbolic commitment. After deciding to run, I customized a pair of Nike+ shoes that connected wirelessly to my iPod. I embroidered “Live Great!” on them. They became my lucky shoes throughout training and on race day. Wearing them reminded me that I had committed to finishing.
- Set regular check-ins. I called my father, an experienced marathon runner, and asked him to review my progress every Sunday. I wrote down ten questions for our reviews, including “Did you finish your long run?”, “What did you learn this week?”, and “Did you enjoy it?” These conversations helped me stay accountable and appreciate the process.
- Imagine success. Picture yourself after reaching the goal. I made a magazine cover with myself on it and put it on the bathroom mirror. I also imagined being interviewed about the healthy eating and exercise habits I had built. When training felt difficult, I pictured crossing the finish line with family and friends around me and feeling proud.
- Consider the alternative. When I thought about quitting, I imagined how discouraged and disappointed I would feel. Finding motivation was not always easy, but letting myself down felt worse.
- Avoid all-or-nothing thinking. A small mistake does not mean you have to abandon the goal. If you get off track, begin again where you are. Sometimes getting off track simply means you needed a break.
- Remember gratitude. Instead of thinking about how hard running was, I tried to focus on what I appreciated: being healthy enough to train, having time outdoors, enjoying the sky, birds, and streams, and receiving encouragement from friends and family.
- Break the goal into manageable parts. At first, the idea of running 21 miles felt overwhelming, let alone a full marathon. I reminded myself to focus on the long run planned for the coming Saturday, not the entire training plan. Break a big goal into smaller steps, share it with people you trust, and build confidence as you go.
Week by week, those steps brought me closer to the finish line. Crossing it became one of the proudest moments of my life.
Brainstorm strategies for staying committed
- What has helped you stay focused on a goal before?
- What new approaches could help you stay committed in the future?
- What would it mean to you to stay the course and reach your goal?